From Dissing to Kissing

Writing the Negative Love Poem - Examples and Prompt

I am a sucker for a good love poem. Whether it's Matthew Olzmann's "Mountain Dew Commercial Disguised as a Love Poem" or "Twenty-One Love Poems [Poem 2]" by Adrienne Rich or "Object Permanence" by Nicole Sealey, I am a firm believer that there are not enough love poems in the world. 

I discovered two of my favorite love poems in high school. The first is Shakespeare's Sonnet 130. It is easily recognizable, and many people can quote the first line. I remember reading this poem in junior English with Sister Angele. (She used it as a cautionary tale about boys who say mean things about you behind your back even if they are nice to your face. I went to an all-girls Catholic school, and the nuns were always very concerned about our boyfriends. It was a little bit weird, yet a little bit sweet.) Shakespeare famously lists all the attributes of his mistress that do not match the beauty ideals of the time, yet uses the closing couplet to say she is valuable and rare. In this way, the negation in the main body of the sonnet turns from insult to inspiration.

The second is a little more obscure, but means a lot to me. It was given to me by a good friend who said that he saw me in the poem. 

Love Poem- John Frederick Nims

My clumsiest dear, whose hands shipwreck vases,
At whose quick touch all glasses chip and ring,
Whose palms are bulls in china, burs in linen,
And have no cunning with any soft thing

Except all ill-at-ease fidgeting people:
The refugee uncertain at the door
You make at home; deftly you steady
The drunk clambering on his undulant floor.

Unpredictable dear, the taxi drivers' terror,
Shrinking from far headlights pale as a dime
Yet leaping before apopleptic streetcars—
Misfit in any space. And never on time.

A wrench in clocks and the solar system. Only
With words and people and love you move at ease;
In traffic of wit expertly maneuver
And keep us, all devotion, at your knees.

Forgetting your coffee spreading on our flannel,
Your lipstick grinning on our coat,
So gaily in love's unbreakable heaven
Our souls on glory of spilt bourbon float.

Be with me, darling, early and late. Smash glasses—
I will study wry music for your sake.
For should your hands drop white and empty
All the toys of the world would break.

In Nims's poem, the negative aspects of the poem's subject are alternated with her virtues, giving the reader a picture of a real human being with flaws, one who is seen and loved despite them. I am clumsy and awkward, and as a teen I was often unpredictable and felt out of place. (I still do in many situations.) But to know that someone recognized me as a person who was welcoming to others, kind, helpful and witty; as someone who exuded love for the world; as someone who brought laughter and joy to others? That was a gift, one that has stayed with me. 

But writing a love poem can be fraught with worry. Will the beloved recognize the intention? Appreciate the images, the sentiments? Will the poem be interesting enough for anyone who is not the beloved?  The concept of negation is one that is especially tricky. How do you ride the thin line between fact and insult? (This is something that the Nims poem does particularly well - even the negative aspects have an air of charm about them.) Well, you'll never know unless you try.

PROMPT
 Your mission, should you choose to accept it:

Write a love poem that features some faults or perceived shortcomings of the beloved. 

1. Take another look at the examples. The flaws listed in Shakespeare's poem are mostly physical, focusing on the mistress's lack of the usual lady-like appearances and graces. The Nims poem concentrates on behaviors and actions. 

2.  Make two lists - one of perceived physical "flaws" and one of actions that are less than socially or personally desirable. (It can be something as simple as someone who leaves the seat up on the toilet or who leaves shoes all over the house.

3. Choose the "sonnet-ish" move of revealing the real feelings at the end OR the Nims strategy of alternating the flaws with the cherished characteristics. 

4. If you're brave, share it with the person you wrote about. You can blame me if it doesn't go well - bookmark this post, just in case. :)